Backup Pack
Hendrix

I adopted Hendrix at 1 ½ from the Humane Society out of the Southeat Correctional Facility, where he was being trained by an inmate. Now, I'm sure the inmates loved this dog -- a 90-lb. Rottweiler-Lab-German Shepherd mix — but near as I can tell, all they trained him to do was escape, steal, be a thug, and fuck with the hacks. Because he does all of those things like a pro. (He's not bad at being a con-man either. . . I think he still gets letters from women at the joint.)

Just by way of example, Hendo has opened the oven to get a pizza, stolen a sandwich from a guy at the dog park, jumped off the roof (without a scratch) to run down another dog, played All-American cornerback against other dogs who were trying to catch tennis balls, kept the cat in hiding for a solid year, and busted out planks in the fence (to escape) at least 4 times.

The first day I had Hendo,. He escaped 3 times and chomped my arm repeatedly when I tried to keep him from destroying. . . anything he could get. The first month I had him, both mine and my wife's forearms were covered in bruises and scratches from where he was trying to show us that he was the alpha. But, even from the first night I had him, as soon as I go to bed, he has always flopped down next to me like he's in the puppy pile of his litter.

I've had Hendrix for 2 years now, and I still have to walk him with a gentle leader and a backpack full of rice (10 Lb.) twice a day, just to get his energy out. He's gradually learning not to go berserk on school buses, garbage trucks, bicyclists, joggers, other people walking their dogs, or anyone who tries to walk up to me. Hendo is a goddamn Viking dog -- he really needs to be on a Navy SEAL chopper over Afghanistan, instead of with my broken-down ass. He's the strongest, fastest, smartest, toughest dog I've ever seen. Play tug-o-war with him only after you've gotten health insurance. . .

But he tackles me every day when I come home, and stays by my side at all times. At every opportunity, Hendo lets me know he is MY dog. And if anyone from the Manson family to the Mob to ISIS came to my door. . . I'd feel safe.